All the Tools for a Healthy Relationship, From a Psychologist for 30 Years - Newsweek

In a digital landscape where influencers lay claim to relationship wisdom, one creator is offering a resource with a bit more experience.

A TikTok video posted by Rachel Freedman (@rootwithrach) has gained attention for its profound insights from an unexpected source: her aunt Joyce, a 76-year-old seasoned clinical psychologist with over 30 years of experience. The video features a conversation between Freedman and her aunt, who she calls Aunt J, as they discuss key ingredients for healthy relationships. Since it was posted, the video has been viewed over 430,000 times.

Rachel Freedman and her aunt Joyce. The pair have gained attention on TikTok for Joyce's decades-old relationship insights. Rachel Freedman and her aunt Joyce. The pair have gained attention on TikTok for Joyce's decades-old relationship insights. @rootwithrach/TikTok

"My first takeaway is in order to have a good relationship, the most important thing you need is good communication," Joyce began. "When marriages and relationships don't work, it isn't from sex, it isn't from problems with the kids or money, it's from a lack of communication about those issues."

Freedman prompted her aunt for her other takeaways, which included acceptance and fair fighting.

"Acceptance of positive qualities about yourself as well as negative qualities; acceptance of other people and situations," she said. "My third one is that you have to be able to fight fairly, and that means fighting constructively, not holding grudges about the past, staying in the present and working on solutions. Fighting is an important thing in a relationship because if you don't fight, you don't resolve any issues."

Freedman, 27, told Newsweek about the backstory behind the video, revealing that her aunt's advice stems from years of personal conversations between the two, beginning when Freedman was in college. "I was going through a terrible breakup and would go visit her multiple times a week crying about my relationship woes," she said.

Freedman said the conversation recorded in the video was on par and as natural as the countless other conversations they had, noting that it was certainly not the first time, nor the "hundredth" time she had held this conversation with her aunt. This time, however, she said she was finally motivated to share her aunt's wisdom with others—though neither had any idea how well the video would be received.

As for Joyce, she said she is pleased to see a shift in societal attitudes towards therapy and emotional expression since she first began practicing.

"People, especially men, are much more open, honest, and willing to discuss feelings than 30 years ago," Joyce said. "There is a greater willingness of people who request therapy now than before, as psychotherapy is more accepted and a positive option."

As Freedman's video continues to resonate with viewers, it reminds those desperately seeking relationship wisdom of the resources that exist offline—and perhaps closer than they think.

Uncommon Knowledge

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Newsweek is committed to challenging conventional wisdom and finding connections in the search for common ground.