How Dating Apps Ruined Traveling - GQ

How Dating Apps Ruined Traveling - GQ
Man accused of sexually assaulting six women dating back to 1995 facing 190 years in prison - 10News
Man arrested for sexual assaults dating back to 1995 - 10News
From ONS to JTM: Our guide to French online dating - The Local France
Trial ordered for Thousand Oaks woman accused of murdering man she was dating - Ventura County Star

Posted: 07 May 2019 11:06 AM PDT

On a recent trip to Los Angeles, I hiked up to the storied Griffith Observatory and stared out into the night sky. Dazzled by the view, my eyes searched through the sea of lights as I did my best to scout out the general location of my beloved King Taco on the east side and where I was supposed to meet friends the following night in West Hollywood. Below me was one of world's most talked about cities. I was captivated. But Hollywood's spell was suddenly broken by the buzz of my phone: a Grindr notification. My moment of pure bliss experiencing one of the city's most revered spots was cut short by the prospect of getting my dick sucked.

Grindr, the gay social/dating/hook up/whatever you want to call it app, has unquestionably been a useful tool for plenty of gay men zipping around the globe. It's a quick resource on which you can ask locals for recommendations, and it's especially handy for locating queer bars and spaces. If you're traveling solo, Grindr can help you link up with other gay men so that exploring feels a little less lonely and a bit safer. For non queer folks, too, Airbnb and Instagram's location feature has let us swap travel agents for more self-tailored, personalized itineraries. Dating apps have become a magical key to unlocking the best local spots. But during my past couple of trips, the yellow skull haunted me.

Here's what typically happens: I'll arrive to my destination, whether it's returning home for a short stint in southern California or somewhere halfway around the world. I roll off the plane wearing my $20 Marshall's sweatpants, text my mom I've made it, check Lyft prices to wherever I'm staying, and almost immediately fire up Grindr. Beyond skyline views from my plane window and geographic-specific franchises in airports, the men on Grindr are usually my first introduction to a new place. For many, the cherished local cuisine is key to being acquainted with wherever they're vacationing. The same mentality can be applied to the guys.

Sampling the guys of places I visited was fun until it wasn't. Instead of being open to hookups while traveling, it began feeling like a necessary part of the trip—that it was my international duty to make nations closer by having my body parts smashing up against some resident's. And while there's nothing wrong with wanting to hook up on vacation, I've come to the realization that that I was relying on making out in new places just as tourists depend on Fodor's Travel Guides as the blueprint for a proper trip .

Jeremy Birnholtz, an associate professor at Northwestern University, focuses on human-computer interaction issues and has done research involving Grindr. He acknowledges that the app has the benefit of helping a traveler connect with the local community members, especially helpful considering the decline of gayborhoods. Birnholtz also sees some drawbacks, such as being too absorbed by ass-hunting that you're neglecting your actual travel partners and overlooking notable sights such as cathedrals or art masterpieces (sorry in advance, Mona Lisa). But he points out that even before the age of Grindr, it's quite possible that lots of young gay travelers spent good chunks of time in cruisy parks or bathrooms the first time they went to a major city in hopes of a happy ending. Nonetheless, Grindr has added an XTRA layer to all this.

"It does change the dynamics of the interactions, though, and makes it so that you could be low-level distracted the whole time you're traveling which might be a problem," he says. "Happily, though, you don't have to spend much time sitting idly in, say, a public bathroom stall, which would not be my idea of a pleasant vacation."

Man accused of sexually assaulting six women dating back to 1995 facing 190 years in prison - 10News

Posted: 07 May 2019 01:28 PM PDT

SAN DIEGO (KGTV) -- The man accused in a series of rapes dating back to 1995 in San Diego and Riverside Counties pleaded not guilty in court Tuesday.

Christopher VanBuskirk, 46, faces up to 190 years in prison if convicted in the San Diego cases.

VanBuskirk pleaded not guilty to four counts of forcible rape, two counts each of forcible oral copulation and forcible sexual penetration with a foreign object.

VanBuskirk is accused of sexually assaulting four women at knifepoint in San Diego between August 18, 1995, and November 17 of the same year. DNA evidence was collected linking the same person to all four crimes, but investigators were unable to identify a suspect.

Police records detail how one victim was attacked while jogging at night on Clairemont Mesa Boulevard. Another victim was attacked while inside her daughter's apartment. The third and fourth victims were both attacked inside their homes.

In March 2002 and November 2004, two more women were sexually assaulted at knifepoint in Riverside County, but the suspect still wasn't able to be identified.

That all changed when the San Diego Police Department reached out the FBI Forensic Genetic Genealogy Team in February of 2019.

Using a public access genealogical database, investigators were able to identify VanBuskirk as the suspect in all six cases.

VanBuskirk, who lived in Goodyear, Arizona, was arrested on April 29 and extradited to San Diego on May 6, where he will be charged for the 1995 cases.

Anyone with additional information on the cases is asked to call the San Diego Police Department's Sex Crimes Unit at 619-531-2210 or Crime Stoppers at 888-580-8477.

Man arrested for sexual assaults dating back to 1995 - 10News

Posted: 06 May 2019 03:28 PM PDT

SAN DIEGO (KGTV) -- A man accused of sexually assaulting six women at knife point was arrested following a decades-long investigation.

According to the San Diego Police Department, between August 18, 1995 and November 17, 1995, four women were sexually assaulted at knife point in San Diego. DNA evidence was collected, but investigators were unable to identify a suspect.

In March 2002 and November 2004, two more women were sexually assaulted at knife point in Riverside County, but the suspect still wasn't able to be identified.

That all changed when the San Diego Police Department reached out the the FBI Forensic Genetic Genealogy Team in February of 2019.

Using a public access genealogical database, investigators were able to identify Christopher VanBuskirk, 46, as the suspect in all six cases.

VanBuskirk, who currently lives in Goodyear, Arizona, was arrested on April 29 and extradited to San Diego on May 6, where he will be charged for the 1995 cases.

He was booked into the San Diego Central Jail for three counts of rape and one count each of forcible sex with a foreign object and forcible oral copulation with a minor 14 or older. He is being held on $5 million bail.

Anyone with additional information on the cases is asked to call the San Diego Police Department's Sex Crimes Unit at 619-531-2210 or Crime Stoppers at 888-580-8477.

From ONS to JTM: Our guide to French online dating - The Local France

Posted: 07 May 2019 02:44 AM PDT

Standing looking all doe-eyed underneath the Eiffel Tower is sadly more likely to produce a bunion than Cupid's arrow. And, even if you did see an attractive stranger, chances are they will just take a selfie and then leave before you'd muster up the courage up to say "hello".

This is an evolving human condition: we are becoming increasingly reluctant to start conversations with people we haven't known our whole lives. We prefer to know what is their favourite colour and if they're allergic to cats before we actually dare to speak.

So how to solve the dilemma? Where can you go to meet your future soulmate? Is online dating in France as much of a can of worms as elsewhere? Yes, of course it is.

Tinder is Tinder wherever you go in the world. It might be your cup of tea, and we have all heard of the friend of a friend of a friend who has met someone they married on Tinder. And there are still more members than any other dating app, so plenty to choose from. But there is no avoiding the fact that many people do still use it predominantly to find a one night stand (or ONS, if you want to catch up with the lingo).

So if you want something that will not involve a walk of shame the next morning, the good news is that there are plenty of choices for everyone in France.

One very popular international option that has a reputation of not just being about ONS (see how quickly we get down with the kids) is OkCupid. The method is simple, the site asks you lots of questions - do you want to settle down and have kids right now, is your ideal first date in a forest or a city, what do you think about the death penalty, do you like to eat Italian food… - and then finds your closest matches.

It will send you emails with likely lads and lasses, but you can also peruse the site and see who has messaged you. Annoyingly, it doesn't tell you when they have messaged you. So, if you only discover their message a month later, they may have already moved on.

If you feel confident enough in your written French, one of the most successful online dating apps in France is Meetic. Like many dating sites, Meetic offers a free service and an upgraded paying one. Reviews on this site are quite mixed, it has so many members that obviously some of them are not exactly who they might appear to be in their pictures. But it will be a chance to meet actual French people and improve your French.

Another local site with a slightly odd name is AdopteunMec. What? Does anyone actually want to adopt a guy? Even fostering seems too much of a commitment when you haven't even met them yet. The idea here is a twist on the tried and tested formula. Here the radical idea is that the women take the lead. And isn't it about time? This applies specifically to heterosexual matches where the woman needs to make the first contact with their matched male. In same-sex matches, either person can make the first move.

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The truth is women still have it too easy when it comes to opening gambits in the tangled world of online dating (and, let's admit it, offline dating), lazily relying on the suitor to come wooing. Well, enough of that, it is 2019, time for women to put their hearts on the line, to get creative and funny (but not too funny as that can make you seem weird) and - can you believe it - send the first message. The international equivalent of Adopte un Mec is is Bumble.

Of course, online dating problems begin even before you get to trying to impress someone with your wit. The abundance of choice is one of the surprising deterrents. Sometimes you open your app and there are just too many faces, too many unread messages and you feel weary at just the thought of all that swiping.

Well, one new French website is paring the whole process down with what they are intriguingly calling 'slow dating'. Rather than deluge you with choice, Once will suggest one personally selected match for your every day at noon. Just one! You will both see each other's profile at the same time and then you have 24 hours to make a move. If you don't, that person will disappear forever - or unless you happen to live in the same neighbourhood and see each other at the supermarket the next day, which may indeed have happened to the journalist writing this article.

In March, Once branched out to tackle a very active dating market with their new app Once Again, dating for the over-50s. As Jean Meyer, founder of Once and Once Again, points out: "Meeting new people for people over 50 has so far been limited on the web. Slow dating is perfect for this population for whom the quality of encounters is more important than quantity. When you are over 50 years old, you don't 'like' 1,000 profiles and hope that one of them will agree to have a drink within the hour."

There is also a more traditional website for the 50+s called Disons Demain. It is an offshoot of the aforementioned site Meetic and is hugely popular.

But what if you already fancy someone? What if you exchange glances with a handsome stranger every morning on the Metro on your daily commute, how do you develop that? Of course, you could take the old fashioned route and just start a conversation. But maybe he's already involved with someone and is not actually looking at you admiringly but with a tinge of fear? The good news is that there is an app for this.

Developed in France, happn is one of many location-based dating apps. Its twist, however, is that it will tell you about people whose paths you actually cross in real life. If that man on the Metro is also using the app, then fate will get a little helping hand.

It's true that this app does also have somewhat worrying potential to aid stalking and is probably more likely to lead to a hook-up rather than The Love of Your Life. But, who knows, it might also help you with that awkward first conversation.

Or you could just get a dog, they will love you forever.

French online dating vocabulary:

SLT: "Salut" or simply, "Hey."

CC: Coucou, the most boring first line ever.

DISPO? Simply means "available?" This is not necessarily a hook-up term, but let's be honest that's normally the case.

T CHO? Literally, "tu est chaud," or "are you horny?" A classic of the genre.

REEL? Are you looking for a real encounter or just to chat?

TES TRIPS? What are you into? What gets you going?

TU CH? Literally a shortening of "Tu cherches?" or "You're looking?" this is a way to ask if someone is looking for anything in particular, namely, sex.

SSR: "Sex sans risque" = Safe sex. The opposite is "Sans capote" = without the little hat. ie no condom.

MDR: Not a specifically dating term, but one that you might need to lighten a heavy moment. It literally means "mort de rire", "dead from laughing", and is the equivalent of LOL.

JTM: If you get this, you're on to a good thing. "Je t'aime" - he's telling you he loves you!

PARTOUZE: Group fun. Orgy. This is not your future soulmate.

Trial ordered for Thousand Oaks woman accused of murdering man she was dating - Ventura County Star

Posted: 07 May 2019 06:29 PM PDT

Do you know what to do if you see something bad happening? Here are some tips. USA TODAY Network

A Thousand Oaks woman smoked from a bong and started hearing voices before she allegedly stabbed the man she had been dating, court testimony revealed Tuesday.

The testimony was given in Tuesday's preliminary hearing for Bryn Spejcher, a 28-year-old licensed audiologist charged in the May 28 killing of Chad O'Melia, 26. A judge found there was enough evidence for Spejcher to stand trial.

She has pleaded not guilty to the murder of O'Melia and denied a special allegation that she used a knife in the killing.

Deputies with the Ventura County Sheriff's Office responded about 1 a.m. to a report of a disturbance at O'Melia's condominium on Maegan Place in Thousand Oaks. They found O'Melia dead and Spejcher suffering from "self-inflicted stab wounds," sheriff's officials said.

Spejcher was taken to a hospital for treatment and arrested in connection with O'Melia's death days later.

Ventura County crime and courts coverage:

At Tuesday's preliminary hearing, forensic scientists, sheriff's deputies and detectives testified about their efforts in the case. Sheriff's Detective Beau Rodriguez testified he interviewed O'Melia's roommate, who came downstairs after he heard screaming and reportedly found O'Melia injured and Spejcher with a knife in her hand.

Spejcher, who is hard of hearing, was assisted during Tuesday's proceedings by a device that relayed the testimony on a computer screen in front of her.

Ventura County Assistant Chief Medical Examiner Dr. Othon Mena testified Tuesday about O'Melia's injuries. He said he conducted the autopsy on O'Melia, whose body had been left bloody by his injuries. He suffered dozens of stab wounds and "incise wounds," which aren't as deep, and all were most likely from two different knives, Mena testified. One of the knives was serrated, he said.

There were 18 wounds on O'Melia's head, including two stab wounds to the back of the head and other incise wounds on his face, Mena testified. Also, 27 incise wounds were found on his neck and four of them were stab wounds that damaged his trachea, jugular vein and carotid artery, Mena said.

On O'Melia's torso, Mena said he found 21 incise wounds and 13 stab wounds to the torso, shoulders, chest and back. Some of the wounds involved the victim's lungs and heart.

"The heart was perforated twice," Mena said.

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O'Melia suffered a stab wound to his right knee and injuries to his arms, including multiple "defensive wounds" to his hands, Mena testified.

Senior Deputy District Attorney Catherine Voelker asked Mena what the number of injuries on O'Melia's body meant to him as a forensic pathologist.

"He and the assailant were probably moving because there were multiple locations," Mena said.

Spejcher's defense attorney, Damon Jenkins of the Ventura County Public Defender's Office, asked Mena if it was possible that all of O'Melia's injuries, except the ones in places he could not reach, were inflicted by the victim.

Mena said it was possible. Under cross-examination from the defense attorney, Mena also said he does not consider self-defense in making his analysis.

Both sides of the courtroom were filled with loved ones and supporters of O'Melia and Spejcher on Tuesday. Those sitting behind the prosecution's table appeared upset as Voelker asked Mena about the injuries O'Melia suffered.

The sergeant's testimony

During the testimony of sheriff's Sgt. Steven Jenkins, one of the detectives who interviewed Spejcher about the incident, some of her loved ones appeared agitated, bouncing their legs up and down.

Under direct examination from Voelker, the sergeant said he spoke with Spejcher a few times about the incident while she was at Los Robles Regional Medical Center in Thousand Oaks. She was not under arrest or in police custody and chose the first few times to speak with detectives about what happened, he said.

She was arrested at the hospital on May 31 and read her constitutional rights but continued the interview, the sergeant said.

Spejcher's defense attorney asked whether the sergeant knew if the defendant was on pain medication or under the influence of medication during those times. The sergeant said Spejcher did not show symptoms of being impaired by pain medication.

During the prosecution's questioning, the sergeant said Spejcher told him that she had met O'Melia at a dog park in late April or early May. They had hung out several times since then and had sex three or four times, the sergeant said of the interview.

Spejcher hung out with her friends on May 27 and later took her Siberian husky named Arya to O'Melia's condominium to hang out again. She got there between 10 and 10:30 p.m., the sergeant testified.

MORE: 15-year-old arrested over Fillmore, Piru graffiti

At one point, O'Melia went out to the porch to smoke marijuana out of a bong and Spejcher went with him, according to the sergeant's testimony. She wanted to try some, the sergeant testified.

Spejcher allegedly told the sergeant she didn't feel the effects of the marijuana and told O'Melia about that. That's when O'Melia said he'd give her something more intense, the sergeant testified.

O'Melia lit the bong and filled it with white smoke and Spejcher inhaled, according to the testimony. She didn't feel well after that and went to the bathroom, the sergeant testified. She said her vision was blurry, she couldn't breathe and felt like she was going to vomit, the sergeant testified.

She made her way back to the couch and O'Melia gave her bottles of water. She told him to stay with her and stay awake "because she believed she was dying," the sergeant testified.

"She felt that from the drugs he gave her, she died," the sergeant said.

She had a vision that she was dead, the sergeant said, and voices were telling her to keep fighting and she'd come out of it. At one point, she threw a chair in between her and O'Melia but never mentioned anything about him attacking her, the sergeant said.

In the police interviews, she described throwing knives and having one in her hand, according to the testimony. The voices also told her to start hurting herself, the sergeant testified.

On cross-examination, Spejcher's attorney asked the sergeant if she ever talked about why she threw the chair or why she wanted to keep O'Melia away from her. The sergeant testified that she described a lot of anger and wanting to keep the victim away.

Spejcher's attorney also asked if his client talked about whether she knew during the alleged murder that what she was doing was wrong. The sergeant said he could not clarify whether she knew in the moment that it was wrong or if it is what she said later when speaking with authorities.

Megan Diskin is a courts and breaking news reporter with The Star. Reach her at megan.diskin@vcstar.com or 805-437-0258.

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